I wish I were a free bird,
Flying as far as I could,
Free from nets and nests,
Away into some unknown woods.
I wish I were a tall tree,
With feet firmly on the ground,
Whole beautiful leaves every spring,
Like I've just been crowned.
I wish I were a white river,
Kissing every stone and pebble,
Singing with joy and rhythm,
As I gush on and amble.
I wish I were a big mountain,
Mighty & strong in mind,
Palavering at will with the clouds,
While the sun hides behind.
I wish I were a little girl,
With all the time at hand,
Doing what I will and please,
Playing aimlessly in the sand.
I wish I were a mere child,
Filling my world with colors,
Hues of red, yellow, blue and orange,
Inspired by the dancing flowers.
I wish I were a wizard,
With all the worldly knowledge and wise,
Peaceful and calm with the know-it-all
Devoid of all vice.
I wish I were a pet dog,
Defining faith and trust,
Bringing boundless joy and love
And being a guard if I must.
I wish I were a good book,
With a justly decorative cover,
Of Nature & God I'd speak
Or an ode to the gutsy lover.
I wish I were just more patient
To all that people say,
Calm and quiet and tranquil
Through every brawl and fray.
I wish I were a better me,
With the best of everything..
Friendship, trust, faith & cheer
Selfless with zest and zing.
This writing is the outcome of several thoughts and emotions running in parallel in my head. It may not as usual make any sense to you, but I for one have enjoyed going back to my childhood days and writing something in the lines of a 'poem'!! :)
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Long pending thots....
Wow...its been ages since i actually visited this page! I've been wanting to come here and dust the cobwebs..but just havent found the time to do it!! I've infact been making a mental note every other week to resume this hobby which has actually over time, turned into a tool kit for me to tap my inner self and bring out clarity in my thots!! But like I said..the lack of time. Blogging (both generic and cryptic ones) helps me kinda unwind and think things thru. Its actually a nice way to spend time with your own self (jus like any other hobby). Over the past year, I've had my own reasons to write those posts meant and directed to me...pretty much not comprehendable to most others. And well, although that 'motivation factor' is now missing, for which I'm extremelllly happy and glad about, I've really actually missed penning sumthing down here and getting comments about it. Its not just the same as journaling or writing a diary, where its just you and your Dearest. Here, the people u know and the others read wat u write and so its a little insight into your thot process and to ur confusions... and it really is nice to get comments about sum of them! So this post is gonna be a veryyyy random one..jus to note down sum of those things I've been feeling and thinking for a while and Ive been wanting to write about.
Frozen in Time:
I've actually been getting this 'Frozen in time' feeling for a while now. I feel like time is running WAYYYYY too fast in front of me..and I feel I'm just not keeping pace with it. I feel like I'm on another plane just standing and gaping in awe at its speed, while caught up in sumthing or the other that kinda slows me down. Its the feeling of being left behind..and that is not with respect to another person or individual ...but with a concept like time. I just cannot imagine that in 6 months I'm gonna be 25. And wow.. ppl do a LOT when they are 25. 25 is officially the age of adulthood (atleast here in the USA)..even when u're 24, you are considered a young adult!
But this feeling of being frozen in time strikes me EVERY single day in the lab. I go in at 9:30 and even before I realize its lunch and then 3:30-tea time. By the time I actually keep track of what i did the whole day, its already 5 or 6 in the evening..and I realize I gotto leave in another 3-4 hours and thats when work starts in full zeal. And even before I can actually say "quidditch" or "Gryffindor", the day has actually ended and I catch on the fact that 12 hours (sumtimes even 16 hrs) of the day has gone by without anything significant being done. I think lab work and PhD life can make you feel that way. And at other times when I talk to sum of my friends and batchmates from college, espply when they are just about to get married or already are, I feel wierdly frozen in time. No complaints AT ALL that I'm not in their place..but just a thot that.. WOWWW.. are we really that old to actually be getting married and entering another phase of life. I guess a lottt of htat goes to the fact that I still am a student. Its gonna take me a while to get there, I know, and until then I'm sure I'm just gonna stand dumbstruck and watch things changing/moving around me in a pace that I feel is way too hard for me to stick to. Like i said.. I'm not complaining about it..its just a mental note that time IS flying past...and REALLY fast!
There've been a few other things I've been wanting to jot down... just a few things here n there.... like say - travelling and how much I enjoy it. For me espply since my sis n family stay in CA, I end up taking the 6 hour flites atleast every 2-2.5 months. And the last time I was in the airport waiting for my flite, I realized that those 6 hours (especially the onward journey) is sumthing I really enjoy actually. When you are up there in the flight, its like you have 6 hours just for yourself & you can spend it in ANY way u want....No feeling guilty about not working, no pressing fone calls, no contact with anyone around but your own self. And I realized I really love that time I get to spend with myself ( cos I usually travel alone). I could either sleep, or just things thru, or realize how beautiful life is, or reminesce about all those past memories and cherish them or crib about them or just simply read a book or watch an inflight movie. But its wonderful..and that made me realize how long its actually been since I took time to do wat I wanted to do. Theres always work to do, theres always ppl to call and talk to..but being with ur own self and spending time with ur own self is a beautiful thing on its own and I crave for it just as much as I crave spending quality time with my friends and the people that matter! I think these trips help me chill out and relax and jus unwind.
Another warm thot in my head has been about my mom. Here, I don't mean to sound like an Archies/Hallmark Mother's Day greeting card or an over-dramatized 1970 Bollywood movie dialogue writer..."Mere paas Maa hai" (Deewar- Shashi Kapoor in answer to Amitabh's question - "Mere paas gaadi hai, bungalaw hai, paisa hai. Tumhare paas kya hai??" ). But just that over the past few days/weeks/months I've realized that if there is one woman who I'd like to be like, that'd be my mom. I think shes a really beautiful human being with a lottt of qualities that I'd like myself to imbibe. I think every child always idealizes his/her mom n dad as their real life heroes to some extent, and in my case its a LOTT more. Shes been one helluva strong lady. When I see people my age getting stressed out in life and the way htey deal with problems, I'm just very naturally inclined to compare them to my mother, I dont know why. And every time I realize that by the time she was 33, she was a single mother of 2, its not just scary to me, but just as admirable and respectable. I've never really wondered as a girl or as an adoloscent how she did all that. To me it seemed more like the grace and will of The Mother. But now, when I see the mental strength I have at the age of 25 (or sum of my peers have), I just can't help but admire her for her inner peace and strength. Thank God for that! And now when I see her, at peace with everything around her, all ready to do anything that we might need, its just amazing. I'm glad I share a beautiful relationship with her. Amma madila padhuthu thoongi padam paakara maadri, or amma ooti vidara maadri life la sogam varave varadhu!! :)
I'm glad I've finally taken the time off to write all this. Need to get back to reality with exams and papers n blahness!! But hopefully Ill stay in better touch with me and gimme the time I really need.
Frozen in Time:
I've actually been getting this 'Frozen in time' feeling for a while now. I feel like time is running WAYYYYY too fast in front of me..and I feel I'm just not keeping pace with it. I feel like I'm on another plane just standing and gaping in awe at its speed, while caught up in sumthing or the other that kinda slows me down. Its the feeling of being left behind..and that is not with respect to another person or individual ...but with a concept like time. I just cannot imagine that in 6 months I'm gonna be 25. And wow.. ppl do a LOT when they are 25. 25 is officially the age of adulthood (atleast here in the USA)..even when u're 24, you are considered a young adult!
But this feeling of being frozen in time strikes me EVERY single day in the lab. I go in at 9:30 and even before I realize its lunch and then 3:30-tea time. By the time I actually keep track of what i did the whole day, its already 5 or 6 in the evening..and I realize I gotto leave in another 3-4 hours and thats when work starts in full zeal. And even before I can actually say "quidditch" or "Gryffindor", the day has actually ended and I catch on the fact that 12 hours (sumtimes even 16 hrs) of the day has gone by without anything significant being done. I think lab work and PhD life can make you feel that way. And at other times when I talk to sum of my friends and batchmates from college, espply when they are just about to get married or already are, I feel wierdly frozen in time. No complaints AT ALL that I'm not in their place..but just a thot that.. WOWWW.. are we really that old to actually be getting married and entering another phase of life. I guess a lottt of htat goes to the fact that I still am a student. Its gonna take me a while to get there, I know, and until then I'm sure I'm just gonna stand dumbstruck and watch things changing/moving around me in a pace that I feel is way too hard for me to stick to. Like i said.. I'm not complaining about it..its just a mental note that time IS flying past...and REALLY fast!
There've been a few other things I've been wanting to jot down... just a few things here n there.... like say - travelling and how much I enjoy it. For me espply since my sis n family stay in CA, I end up taking the 6 hour flites atleast every 2-2.5 months. And the last time I was in the airport waiting for my flite, I realized that those 6 hours (especially the onward journey) is sumthing I really enjoy actually. When you are up there in the flight, its like you have 6 hours just for yourself & you can spend it in ANY way u want....No feeling guilty about not working, no pressing fone calls, no contact with anyone around but your own self. And I realized I really love that time I get to spend with myself ( cos I usually travel alone). I could either sleep, or just things thru, or realize how beautiful life is, or reminesce about all those past memories and cherish them or crib about them or just simply read a book or watch an inflight movie. But its wonderful..and that made me realize how long its actually been since I took time to do wat I wanted to do. Theres always work to do, theres always ppl to call and talk to..but being with ur own self and spending time with ur own self is a beautiful thing on its own and I crave for it just as much as I crave spending quality time with my friends and the people that matter! I think these trips help me chill out and relax and jus unwind.
Another warm thot in my head has been about my mom. Here, I don't mean to sound like an Archies/Hallmark Mother's Day greeting card or an over-dramatized 1970 Bollywood movie dialogue writer..."Mere paas Maa hai" (Deewar- Shashi Kapoor in answer to Amitabh's question - "Mere paas gaadi hai, bungalaw hai, paisa hai. Tumhare paas kya hai??" ). But just that over the past few days/weeks/months I've realized that if there is one woman who I'd like to be like, that'd be my mom. I think shes a really beautiful human being with a lottt of qualities that I'd like myself to imbibe. I think every child always idealizes his/her mom n dad as their real life heroes to some extent, and in my case its a LOTT more. Shes been one helluva strong lady. When I see people my age getting stressed out in life and the way htey deal with problems, I'm just very naturally inclined to compare them to my mother, I dont know why. And every time I realize that by the time she was 33, she was a single mother of 2, its not just scary to me, but just as admirable and respectable. I've never really wondered as a girl or as an adoloscent how she did all that. To me it seemed more like the grace and will of The Mother. But now, when I see the mental strength I have at the age of 25 (or sum of my peers have), I just can't help but admire her for her inner peace and strength. Thank God for that! And now when I see her, at peace with everything around her, all ready to do anything that we might need, its just amazing. I'm glad I share a beautiful relationship with her. Amma madila padhuthu thoongi padam paakara maadri, or amma ooti vidara maadri life la sogam varave varadhu!! :)
I'm glad I've finally taken the time off to write all this. Need to get back to reality with exams and papers n blahness!! But hopefully Ill stay in better touch with me and gimme the time I really need.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Choices...Part 2
Heres a thought...
Sometimes u have situations in life where u REALLLLYY really want sumthing..it matters to u a lot. And as much as you want it, there are some of ur absolutely close and true well wishers that try to tell u that ur better off without it...and also tell u that theyd be happier without it. So what do u do in a situation like that??? When u stand up for urself and try to put ur foot down, can it be perceived as selfishness?? And is that even fair in the first place??? Does that mean that ur just being blatantly rude and indifferent to their desires while trying to figure out ur own?? How do u explain that as much as u wish to stand up for wat u want, u also really crave that they be happy cos of u?? Quite a complex situation to handle...chasing ur own dreams vs satisfying others... Its always a difficult thing to choose.
I guess, it will boil down eventually to they being happy if ur absolutely happy with ur decision. But until the time that u can prove to them that u ARE really happy, and until the time that they are convinced...its tuff ..a really tuff journey. And only time as usual will bear answers and justifications to everything done. I guess u jus gota hold on until then...and pray that God gives u an opportunity again to show those ppl that really really matter that they still mean the world to u and that u did not mean to let them down jus cos u stood up for sumthing u wanted.
-----This post goes out as a dedication to 3 of the most important ppl in my life. -------
Sometimes u have situations in life where u REALLLLYY really want sumthing..it matters to u a lot. And as much as you want it, there are some of ur absolutely close and true well wishers that try to tell u that ur better off without it...and also tell u that theyd be happier without it. So what do u do in a situation like that??? When u stand up for urself and try to put ur foot down, can it be perceived as selfishness?? And is that even fair in the first place??? Does that mean that ur just being blatantly rude and indifferent to their desires while trying to figure out ur own?? How do u explain that as much as u wish to stand up for wat u want, u also really crave that they be happy cos of u?? Quite a complex situation to handle...chasing ur own dreams vs satisfying others... Its always a difficult thing to choose.
I guess, it will boil down eventually to they being happy if ur absolutely happy with ur decision. But until the time that u can prove to them that u ARE really happy, and until the time that they are convinced...its tuff ..a really tuff journey. And only time as usual will bear answers and justifications to everything done. I guess u jus gota hold on until then...and pray that God gives u an opportunity again to show those ppl that really really matter that they still mean the world to u and that u did not mean to let them down jus cos u stood up for sumthing u wanted.
-----This post goes out as a dedication to 3 of the most important ppl in my life. -------
Monday, July 30, 2007
Pul arikkara scene...
I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE this dialogue from Thiruvilayadal! I would have watched this movie some n million times all for this dialogue stretch, and simply for Nagesh's acting. Totall nostalgia... Enakku fullaaa arichu pochu!
An all time favourite dialogue ....
"kelvigalai nee ketkiraya, alladhu naan kekkatuma??"
aa..nee kekkadhey! naane kekkaren. enakku kekkadaan therium!
kelum
satru porum!
Kelum..
Pirikka mudiadhu ennavo??
Tamizhum Suvaiyum!
Pirikka koodadhadhu??
edhugaiyum monaiyum!
Serndhey irupadhu??
Varumayum pulamayum!!!
Seradhirupadhu??
Arivum panamum!
Solla koodadhadhu??
Pennidam ragasiyam!
Solla koodiyadhu??
Unmayin thathuvam!
Paarka koodadhadhu??
Pasiyum Panjamum!
Parthu rasipadhu?
kalaiyum Azhagum!
Kalaiyil chirandhadhu?
Innisai nadagam!
Nadagam enbadhu?
Nadippum paatum!
Paatukku?
Naradhan!
Veenaikki?
Vani!
Azhagukku?
Murugan!
Sollukku?
Agathiyan!
Villukku?
Vijayan!
Aasaikku?
Nee!
Arivukku?
Naan!!!
:)
You can enjoy this video here...
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6510683475944848370
An all time favourite dialogue ....
"kelvigalai nee ketkiraya, alladhu naan kekkatuma??"
aa..nee kekkadhey! naane kekkaren. enakku kekkadaan therium!
kelum
satru porum!
Kelum..
Pirikka mudiadhu ennavo??
Tamizhum Suvaiyum!
Pirikka koodadhadhu??
edhugaiyum monaiyum!
Serndhey irupadhu??
Varumayum pulamayum!!!
Seradhirupadhu??
Arivum panamum!
Solla koodadhadhu??
Pennidam ragasiyam!
Solla koodiyadhu??
Unmayin thathuvam!
Paarka koodadhadhu??
Pasiyum Panjamum!
Parthu rasipadhu?
kalaiyum Azhagum!
Kalaiyil chirandhadhu?
Innisai nadagam!
Nadagam enbadhu?
Nadippum paatum!
Paatukku?
Naradhan!
Veenaikki?
Vani!
Azhagukku?
Murugan!
Sollukku?
Agathiyan!
Villukku?
Vijayan!
Aasaikku?
Nee!
Arivukku?
Naan!!!
:)
You can enjoy this video here...
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6510683475944848370
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Long live Harry Potter!
Its over...its finally over. The stories of Harry Potter. Yes he's alive and he continues to be the 'Boy who lived', but theres no more new stories. And well I do feel a little sad and emotional about it. The very fact that I'm not gonna be able to wait in anticipation about wat mite happen to him next. It mite sound a little crazy, and to some it mite seem like its sooooo past our age to feel for sumthing like this, not to forget "its a teenager.. stories for young kids!!"But I sumhow have never really felt the books were just for kids, like most other adults reading and enjoying harry potter.
I started reading Potter when I was in my 2nd year of college, and until then I never used to read books just as much. Just after 12th grade, a friend of mine referred me to Harry Potter & the Philosopher's stone, and I tried reading it the first time, but really cudn't get past the first 3 chapters. I was like this is crazy... its for kids...11 year olds... I cant read books like that. (Not that I used to be a voracious reader then with a huge choice of books.) But I jus shunned the book and was a little surprised that this was one of the most famous books around the globe. And in fact my interest in books and the very habit of reading hit rock bottom after that. But in 2002 Dec, when my sis had come down to India for a vacation, she and my bil were extremely excited that they had found the 4 harry potter books outside Higginbothams for just 200 bucks. The pair of them gave me the books and demanded that I read the books and familiarize myself with the stories before my trip to the USA in summer 03. And well b'cos my bil had convinced me that I WAS missing sumthing in life if I dint read HP, I started with book 1. And I made sure I read the book till its very last page, without getting judgemental right after the first 3 chapters. I was a slow reader then and after wat seemed like a semester, I started off with book2. That one felt duller than book1. And after a bit of a struggle, I reached book 3 by which time I was already on my summer vacation in CA. But once I reached book 3, I began to adore the stories of this young boy wizard. I felt I was able to associate with small things in the books quite well then, espply the fact that u have this long this train journey to reach to Hogwarts, with the whole train packed with students (not unlike chennai central - TN express on 28/29th July every year), friends and jus friends doing everything for u and everything with u in a hostel/boarding skool. I felt closer to the books and closer to the characters in the books with time. And after book3, i guess there was just no looking back. Harry Potter had become one of those frequently discussed topics, over the dining table at my sister's (It still remains a central topic of discussion, along with LOTR and some thalaivar movies!!!), with wingies in the hostel, and one of the favourite topics of discussion in sky! :) And it felt like I could talk about books or atleast understand wat a person meant when they said they have a favourite book/ favourite author. It felt good.
And then I started re-reading all the Harry Potter-s. The first time u read the book, (actually any book for that matter), u read it fast just to know the story. Rowling spins the story around so well, u just want to know wat the hell is happening, and who in merlin's name is gonna die and how! But the second time u read the same book, u already know the story and thats when u start associating with the emotions involved amidst the different characters. U get closer to the characters in the book when u can imagine their emotions and feel atleast a little close to wat they feel in the book. The Potter movies have NEVERRR been able to do justice to that. The movies can concentrate only on the story line with sum stunning effects to show sum fantasy, because of the limitation of time. But the books are a LOTTTTTTT more than jus that. Theres no set limits to the words or to the imagination. Its the different emotions Harry, Ron and Hermione go thru ....relationships, loneliness, adoloscence, trust, faith, friendship, death, acceptance of people and truth as it is, and every small and huge thing in life. And every time I read and re-read Harry Potter, I'd find sumthing new striking me, I'd find a new theory and come up with a new hypothesis as to why Rowling was doing that to some main character. And I'd call my sister or some of my other Non-muggle friends and discuss their opinions of a certain theory.
The books have been such an important part of my life for the last 5 years or so. I've been caught in the Potter mania, creating a lot of it myself amidst my group of friends. And now when I c that theres gonna be no more of all that....no more of passionate frenzied discussions about this and that of Harry Potter, no more guessing the suspense the future books might hold, no more eagerly awaiting the stroke of midnite for a new book, no more enthusiastically putting a nite out for those huge hard cover books! I feel like its the end of a phase of my life or sumthing. It feels totally psenti :( Well, deflly I know the books can be read over and over again and the movies rewatched a million times (which is wat I will end up doing, I know), but the fact that the story-teller has spun the yarn and decided to call it done is a little difficult to accept. "And to you if you've stuck with Harry till the very end", she says, in the 7th dedication of the 7th book.
Well Thankyou J.K Rowling for creating a world like Harry Potter, for teaching kids to be imaginative, for helping adults kindle the child in them, for helping us relive memories and emotions that we have all been thru as kids... and thankyou more so for helping me and a lott like me, make reading an enjoyable habit. Thankyou for all your books, which will be read, re-read and read again and cherished forever!
I started reading Potter when I was in my 2nd year of college, and until then I never used to read books just as much. Just after 12th grade, a friend of mine referred me to Harry Potter & the Philosopher's stone, and I tried reading it the first time, but really cudn't get past the first 3 chapters. I was like this is crazy... its for kids...11 year olds... I cant read books like that. (Not that I used to be a voracious reader then with a huge choice of books.) But I jus shunned the book and was a little surprised that this was one of the most famous books around the globe. And in fact my interest in books and the very habit of reading hit rock bottom after that. But in 2002 Dec, when my sis had come down to India for a vacation, she and my bil were extremely excited that they had found the 4 harry potter books outside Higginbothams for just 200 bucks. The pair of them gave me the books and demanded that I read the books and familiarize myself with the stories before my trip to the USA in summer 03. And well b'cos my bil had convinced me that I WAS missing sumthing in life if I dint read HP, I started with book 1. And I made sure I read the book till its very last page, without getting judgemental right after the first 3 chapters. I was a slow reader then and after wat seemed like a semester, I started off with book2. That one felt duller than book1. And after a bit of a struggle, I reached book 3 by which time I was already on my summer vacation in CA. But once I reached book 3, I began to adore the stories of this young boy wizard. I felt I was able to associate with small things in the books quite well then, espply the fact that u have this long this train journey to reach to Hogwarts, with the whole train packed with students (not unlike chennai central - TN express on 28/29th July every year), friends and jus friends doing everything for u and everything with u in a hostel/boarding skool. I felt closer to the books and closer to the characters in the books with time. And after book3, i guess there was just no looking back. Harry Potter had become one of those frequently discussed topics, over the dining table at my sister's (It still remains a central topic of discussion, along with LOTR and some thalaivar movies!!!), with wingies in the hostel, and one of the favourite topics of discussion in sky! :) And it felt like I could talk about books or atleast understand wat a person meant when they said they have a favourite book/ favourite author. It felt good.
And then I started re-reading all the Harry Potter-s. The first time u read the book, (actually any book for that matter), u read it fast just to know the story. Rowling spins the story around so well, u just want to know wat the hell is happening, and who in merlin's name is gonna die and how! But the second time u read the same book, u already know the story and thats when u start associating with the emotions involved amidst the different characters. U get closer to the characters in the book when u can imagine their emotions and feel atleast a little close to wat they feel in the book. The Potter movies have NEVERRR been able to do justice to that. The movies can concentrate only on the story line with sum stunning effects to show sum fantasy, because of the limitation of time. But the books are a LOTTTTTTT more than jus that. Theres no set limits to the words or to the imagination. Its the different emotions Harry, Ron and Hermione go thru ....relationships, loneliness, adoloscence, trust, faith, friendship, death, acceptance of people and truth as it is, and every small and huge thing in life. And every time I read and re-read Harry Potter, I'd find sumthing new striking me, I'd find a new theory and come up with a new hypothesis as to why Rowling was doing that to some main character. And I'd call my sister or some of my other Non-muggle friends and discuss their opinions of a certain theory.
The books have been such an important part of my life for the last 5 years or so. I've been caught in the Potter mania, creating a lot of it myself amidst my group of friends. And now when I c that theres gonna be no more of all that....no more of passionate frenzied discussions about this and that of Harry Potter, no more guessing the suspense the future books might hold, no more eagerly awaiting the stroke of midnite for a new book, no more enthusiastically putting a nite out for those huge hard cover books! I feel like its the end of a phase of my life or sumthing. It feels totally psenti :( Well, deflly I know the books can be read over and over again and the movies rewatched a million times (which is wat I will end up doing, I know), but the fact that the story-teller has spun the yarn and decided to call it done is a little difficult to accept. "And to you if you've stuck with Harry till the very end", she says, in the 7th dedication of the 7th book.
Well Thankyou J.K Rowling for creating a world like Harry Potter, for teaching kids to be imaginative, for helping adults kindle the child in them, for helping us relive memories and emotions that we have all been thru as kids... and thankyou more so for helping me and a lott like me, make reading an enjoyable habit. Thankyou for all your books, which will be read, re-read and read again and cherished forever!
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Reminiscences of a childhood friend.
Even when I heard the news, I wasn't as shocked. I was like "Whattt?? watt the hell.. how did that really happen???" while my friends on the other line were almost choking, completely shocked. But later that afternoon when things started sinking in I was pretty upset. And today, a coupla days after the news has spread around...all those small things that count as memories seem to cloud my mind...those thots that were so insignificant then, seem to remind me soo much of all that we've shared as classmates, childhood friends, neighours etc. It feels horrible...despite the fact that we havent quite stayed in touch for more than 9-10 years.
Class 4: I still remember an english composition where we had to write something about how to polish our shoes. And in both sections of the class, ur style of writing and ur composition was thot to be the best. I still remember ur essay being read out to the whole batch of 72 students. U had written it as a scientific experiment with 'aim, apparatus reqd and procedure' which was considered VERY high standard for a kid of 8. Not to mention the teachers actually loved ur use of words and ur vocabulary and I still remember them commenting that u cud do wonders if only ur handwriting was a little more legible. I still remember being amused by it and talking to my mom about u. I guess ever since we had marked u as one of those absolutely brilliant kids in class.
Class 6/7: Your mom used to come to pick u up everyday from skool with your driver Kodandam. And I used to be given a ride almost everyy single day. The discussion I had with you about Mahanadi..seems to ring a bell rite now. U were like.." Mahanadi" is my favourite movie..(Aah...the way u usually talked - really fast, a little incoherent..it seems like yesterday!) and when I asked u why, u replied that it had 28 fight sequences with Kamal doing wonders in it. I jus thought u were such a git to like sumthing with so many fites. And of course u started off with ur passion for WWF and all those God-forsaken madcap wrestlers. Remember even having this discussion one day when we stopped at Adyar bakery for bit of a snack. Remember u laughing at me for not knowing wat a pizza was!!
Summer vacation every year, while I was your neighbour.. I used to come and raid ur library in your house. U had the best Enid Blyton collection I'd ever seen. I dont think any library in the besant nagar area had as many books as urs. And I remember hearing 2 words for the first time in my life - abominable & abhor - words that u used to describe your brother!! Ofcourse everyone knows how much u adored him calling him 'papa papa' every single minute, but i remember leaving ur house thinking "what the hell do those words mean?? How come ur vocabulary is sooo sound while ur just as old as me" and I still remember telling Kala and amma about it and they seconded my thots about how amazing u were in english. They were both like.."He's damn too brilliant. Sure IIT case"
Class 8: Goodd lord, its impossible to forget you in this year of my life. You and Sethu Sir...it was like a clash of the titans. U did all u cud to bug him and he did all he cud to pin u down. Remember him asking u to sit between Misha and me, as a punishment to your unruly behaviour in class. And still remember Misha and I drawing lines on that cramped table and defining territoriess!! Not to forget u had a hand in putting a cockroach on Radhika miss's chair when she came to class and calling her 'naathamandai"...remember u walkin to princi for that and coming back scoffing and feeling proud that u had amused the entire class. And then Krishna mam's talk - adoloscent counselling...how she laughed at us for being such kids. And then all of a sudden it was like we were adults and we had to think 'matured'. And the way we thought that the first sign of maturity was for gals and guys to go out for a movie together. All the planning we did at the "jungle-jym" with Jagatha miss eyeing on us every now and then. And finally all of us having to cancel that plan cos I guess parents dint permit sum of the kids! Still remember studying for project exams with u.. Ur sheer brilliance has always impressed me.
Class 12:Even though we were not in the same skool, I remember wondering that u'd surely make it to IIT. And when u din't, I remember all of us at home feeling sorry that it was jus hard luck. In our opinions u were one of those stud intelligent kids, and no matter how the results turned out, we always thot of u as iit material!!
I know there was a longg break and we dint pretty much stay in touch all thru college. But even when I met u 2 years back in the same driving class with Vicha, I remember we cud start off from where we left. It was amazing. And I still remember hitting my head with my hands and thinking..."aahhh hari, crazy as usual". Remember the driver saying u need to concentrate harder on the road in order to learn properly.
And now when I hear and realise that ur no more, it jus shocks me. All these thots seem to remind me of how much we all, the whole class, adored u for ur craziness, eccentricities, brilliance, ur behaviour, ur priceless imitations of PT and SethuSir, and for every small thing that made u YOU. You've left a deep impression in all of us, and although most of us may have never communicated that to u, we've loved u for every small thing. If I feel so shaken, i can imagine how horriblee ur family and ur first circle of friends mite be feeling. Lifes never gonna be the same for them without u. I simply pray that God gives them all the strength they need. And to you dear Hari Anand, may your soul rest in peace!
Class 4: I still remember an english composition where we had to write something about how to polish our shoes. And in both sections of the class, ur style of writing and ur composition was thot to be the best. I still remember ur essay being read out to the whole batch of 72 students. U had written it as a scientific experiment with 'aim, apparatus reqd and procedure' which was considered VERY high standard for a kid of 8. Not to mention the teachers actually loved ur use of words and ur vocabulary and I still remember them commenting that u cud do wonders if only ur handwriting was a little more legible. I still remember being amused by it and talking to my mom about u. I guess ever since we had marked u as one of those absolutely brilliant kids in class.
Class 6/7: Your mom used to come to pick u up everyday from skool with your driver Kodandam. And I used to be given a ride almost everyy single day. The discussion I had with you about Mahanadi..seems to ring a bell rite now. U were like.." Mahanadi" is my favourite movie..(Aah...the way u usually talked - really fast, a little incoherent..it seems like yesterday!) and when I asked u why, u replied that it had 28 fight sequences with Kamal doing wonders in it. I jus thought u were such a git to like sumthing with so many fites. And of course u started off with ur passion for WWF and all those God-forsaken madcap wrestlers. Remember even having this discussion one day when we stopped at Adyar bakery for bit of a snack. Remember u laughing at me for not knowing wat a pizza was!!
Summer vacation every year, while I was your neighbour.. I used to come and raid ur library in your house. U had the best Enid Blyton collection I'd ever seen. I dont think any library in the besant nagar area had as many books as urs. And I remember hearing 2 words for the first time in my life - abominable & abhor - words that u used to describe your brother!! Ofcourse everyone knows how much u adored him calling him 'papa papa' every single minute, but i remember leaving ur house thinking "what the hell do those words mean?? How come ur vocabulary is sooo sound while ur just as old as me" and I still remember telling Kala and amma about it and they seconded my thots about how amazing u were in english. They were both like.."He's damn too brilliant. Sure IIT case"
Class 8: Goodd lord, its impossible to forget you in this year of my life. You and Sethu Sir...it was like a clash of the titans. U did all u cud to bug him and he did all he cud to pin u down. Remember him asking u to sit between Misha and me, as a punishment to your unruly behaviour in class. And still remember Misha and I drawing lines on that cramped table and defining territoriess!! Not to forget u had a hand in putting a cockroach on Radhika miss's chair when she came to class and calling her 'naathamandai"...remember u walkin to princi for that and coming back scoffing and feeling proud that u had amused the entire class. And then Krishna mam's talk - adoloscent counselling...how she laughed at us for being such kids. And then all of a sudden it was like we were adults and we had to think 'matured'. And the way we thought that the first sign of maturity was for gals and guys to go out for a movie together. All the planning we did at the "jungle-jym" with Jagatha miss eyeing on us every now and then. And finally all of us having to cancel that plan cos I guess parents dint permit sum of the kids! Still remember studying for project exams with u.. Ur sheer brilliance has always impressed me.
Class 12:Even though we were not in the same skool, I remember wondering that u'd surely make it to IIT. And when u din't, I remember all of us at home feeling sorry that it was jus hard luck. In our opinions u were one of those stud intelligent kids, and no matter how the results turned out, we always thot of u as iit material!!
I know there was a longg break and we dint pretty much stay in touch all thru college. But even when I met u 2 years back in the same driving class with Vicha, I remember we cud start off from where we left. It was amazing. And I still remember hitting my head with my hands and thinking..."aahhh hari, crazy as usual". Remember the driver saying u need to concentrate harder on the road in order to learn properly.
And now when I hear and realise that ur no more, it jus shocks me. All these thots seem to remind me of how much we all, the whole class, adored u for ur craziness, eccentricities, brilliance, ur behaviour, ur priceless imitations of PT and SethuSir, and for every small thing that made u YOU. You've left a deep impression in all of us, and although most of us may have never communicated that to u, we've loved u for every small thing. If I feel so shaken, i can imagine how horriblee ur family and ur first circle of friends mite be feeling. Lifes never gonna be the same for them without u. I simply pray that God gives them all the strength they need. And to you dear Hari Anand, may your soul rest in peace!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
athiradeee kaaran...
A true Thalaivar fan cannot NOT whistle/scream/cheer when they c their superstar on screen. And well I being a hardcore Rajini fan, and sumone trained at the art of whistling (I don't care even if I brag about it..I know for a fact a lot of guys cudn't whistle..i mean 'seeti adikkardhu!!"), thats precisely wat I did when I saw the Boss for the 3rd time on screen on Saturday. And come on, thalaivar in the climax scene and the 'bajji kadai' scene ABSOULTELYYY rock. I mean the whole point of his flying in air for 2 mins and then landing on the ground, is only so that the fans can scream hysterically and cheer and worship him as he defies all laws of gravity! And I don't see any No-No's in displaying that passion and enthusiasm and excitement. But unfortunately not everyone in the theater felt the same way.. You expect people to realise that they are at a SuperStar's movie where ppl are bound to go craazzzyyyy (ofcourse within limits), and a lot of ppl infact pay to come to the theater and watch the crowd. However this time, and probably the first time in my life, I ended up having an argument with a pair of oldies in the theater.
I come out of the dark theater hall completely satisfied with my experience and I hear a pair of aunties (mite be 40-45) say... "Idhunga lam padikka varudha, velai panna varudha, illa whistle adikka varudhungala nnu therialai". I turned back to c who they were commenting about, and saw them looking at me with a kinda D look! I just walked out thinking..ok forget it. No point arguing here. I come out into the hallway, where the pair of them again give me the "look". I returned the D-look just as dutifully without saying a word...and walked out of the theater towards my car. My friends and I were standing outside discussing if it would be worth the experience to go for Sivaji in telugu, and after all the discussion, while my friends left, I saw the aunties inside. As I walked towards my car, I had this huge desire in me to go and talk to those aunties and find out wat their problem was in life. Honestly, I wudnt have cared if it were a bunch of guys jus passing a comment, but AUNTIES..mebbe a decade younger than my mom. I mean I REALLY wanted to know wat their purpose was in passing that comment.
So I wait for them to come outa the theater and confront them...
Me: Aunty, enna pathi edavdhu comment adicheengala??
Aunty/Aunties : Yen ammam..naanga edhuvum thappa sollaliye! What were u doing in the theater??
Me: Naan edhuvume pannaliye. I was jus sitting my place and whistling. And I was not the only one in the theater that did that!!
Aunty: Ya I know. But do u know the theaters a mess???
Me: Well, I dint tear any papers or fliers or anything. I was only sitting where I was and screaming and whistling.
Aunty (and now an uncle joins in..actually 2 uncles) : When u come for a movie, its a public place u should let the others watch the movie, not scream and shout.
Me: Aunty, neenga vandhirukardhu Superstar Rajini oda padam. Idhu oru youth movie. Inga vandhuttu whistle adikaadhey, kathadhey nna yaarum kekka maatanga!! Unga generation a yum enga generationa yum compare pannadheenga.
Inga daan seriaanaaaaaaa logic vuttaru andha uncleee...
Uncle: One second, This is the United States of America. People come to movies for some peace of mind. Do u scream like this at english movies???
Me: yes uncle, i do. At movies like Harry Potter and other youth movies I do. see peace of mind kku daan u have the comfort of watching the movie at home in a DVD. neenga public place kku vandhuttu adhuvum our youth padathukku vandhuttu kattadhey nnu sonna, its ridiculous. And well watever be it, those comments u passed were completely unwarranted.
Me to me: Yow, enda orru nyayam ya idhu...india la madras la thalaivar padathula whistle adikkalam thappu illa. Aana US of A la tamizh padathula whistle adicha thappu. Asingamaaana logic!! Theater nadatharavane onnum sollalai about the movie and the screaming...ivanga eppadi appidi oru comment pass pannalam!
Uncle: Illa..let me finish...
Me: Illa uncle, I dont think u need to finish what ur saying. Cos I dont think it matters or its gonna make any difference. Neenga solli its not gonna affect me in any way. ungalakku appidi comfort venumna veetla okkandhu padatha paarunga, velila vandhuttu ellarayum neenga expect pannara maadri nadakanum nnu expect panna deenga. And for hte last time, its a rajinikanth movie...
We ended the fite here and walked towards our respective cars. Meanwhile my friends came back wondering wat I was doing...and so did a lot of other students in the crowd, wondering why a GIRL was arguing like this..
Now honestly, I think the bigger problem was bcos I am a girl and I was whistling and screaming my lungs out. I dont think they would have bothered to pass a comment about all the guys that were in the theater doing the same thing that I did. But ponnu na panna koodadhu nnu avangaloda karuthu.. adhu yen?? I mean Im not here to justify an issue of gender bias or sumthing. And am not sumbody who goes about picking up an argument with every oldie I c..and not that i disrespect them, but the point that irritated me was when they said.. This is the US ofA..inga idhellam panna koodadhu!! Wat crap???? appidiye america naatu janathipathi ivanga lam!!
ennamo..thalaivar pera solli sandaye pottachu! orey adhiradee kaalam daan!! :) Avanga logic suthama sahikkalai..enna porutha varikkum naan pannadhula enda thappum illa! My only big wish...I wish they sit NEXT to me during dasavatharam/varanam aayiram or the next vijay movie, so I can show them how to whistle too!!
Jus found it very amusing!! :)
I come out of the dark theater hall completely satisfied with my experience and I hear a pair of aunties (mite be 40-45) say... "Idhunga lam padikka varudha, velai panna varudha, illa whistle adikka varudhungala nnu therialai". I turned back to c who they were commenting about, and saw them looking at me with a kinda D look! I just walked out thinking..ok forget it. No point arguing here. I come out into the hallway, where the pair of them again give me the "look". I returned the D-look just as dutifully without saying a word...and walked out of the theater towards my car. My friends and I were standing outside discussing if it would be worth the experience to go for Sivaji in telugu, and after all the discussion, while my friends left, I saw the aunties inside. As I walked towards my car, I had this huge desire in me to go and talk to those aunties and find out wat their problem was in life. Honestly, I wudnt have cared if it were a bunch of guys jus passing a comment, but AUNTIES..mebbe a decade younger than my mom. I mean I REALLY wanted to know wat their purpose was in passing that comment.
So I wait for them to come outa the theater and confront them...
Me: Aunty, enna pathi edavdhu comment adicheengala??
Aunty/Aunties : Yen ammam..naanga edhuvum thappa sollaliye! What were u doing in the theater??
Me: Naan edhuvume pannaliye. I was jus sitting my place and whistling. And I was not the only one in the theater that did that!!
Aunty: Ya I know. But do u know the theaters a mess???
Me: Well, I dint tear any papers or fliers or anything. I was only sitting where I was and screaming and whistling.
Aunty (and now an uncle joins in..actually 2 uncles) : When u come for a movie, its a public place u should let the others watch the movie, not scream and shout.
Me: Aunty, neenga vandhirukardhu Superstar Rajini oda padam. Idhu oru youth movie. Inga vandhuttu whistle adikaadhey, kathadhey nna yaarum kekka maatanga!! Unga generation a yum enga generationa yum compare pannadheenga.
Inga daan seriaanaaaaaaa logic vuttaru andha uncleee...
Uncle: One second, This is the United States of America. People come to movies for some peace of mind. Do u scream like this at english movies???
Me: yes uncle, i do. At movies like Harry Potter and other youth movies I do. see peace of mind kku daan u have the comfort of watching the movie at home in a DVD. neenga public place kku vandhuttu adhuvum our youth padathukku vandhuttu kattadhey nnu sonna, its ridiculous. And well watever be it, those comments u passed were completely unwarranted.
Me to me: Yow, enda orru nyayam ya idhu...india la madras la thalaivar padathula whistle adikkalam thappu illa. Aana US of A la tamizh padathula whistle adicha thappu. Asingamaaana logic!! Theater nadatharavane onnum sollalai about the movie and the screaming...ivanga eppadi appidi oru comment pass pannalam!
Uncle: Illa..let me finish...
Me: Illa uncle, I dont think u need to finish what ur saying. Cos I dont think it matters or its gonna make any difference. Neenga solli its not gonna affect me in any way. ungalakku appidi comfort venumna veetla okkandhu padatha paarunga, velila vandhuttu ellarayum neenga expect pannara maadri nadakanum nnu expect panna deenga. And for hte last time, its a rajinikanth movie...
We ended the fite here and walked towards our respective cars. Meanwhile my friends came back wondering wat I was doing...and so did a lot of other students in the crowd, wondering why a GIRL was arguing like this..
Now honestly, I think the bigger problem was bcos I am a girl and I was whistling and screaming my lungs out. I dont think they would have bothered to pass a comment about all the guys that were in the theater doing the same thing that I did. But ponnu na panna koodadhu nnu avangaloda karuthu.. adhu yen?? I mean Im not here to justify an issue of gender bias or sumthing. And am not sumbody who goes about picking up an argument with every oldie I c..and not that i disrespect them, but the point that irritated me was when they said.. This is the US ofA..inga idhellam panna koodadhu!! Wat crap???? appidiye america naatu janathipathi ivanga lam!!
ennamo..thalaivar pera solli sandaye pottachu! orey adhiradee kaalam daan!! :) Avanga logic suthama sahikkalai..enna porutha varikkum naan pannadhula enda thappum illa! My only big wish...I wish they sit NEXT to me during dasavatharam/varanam aayiram or the next vijay movie, so I can show them how to whistle too!!
Jus found it very amusing!! :)
Saturday, June 23, 2007
The ppl in me/Confusions ... and blah!
Been contemplating on this..
Every person I think has 2 different sides in him...the Romantic that feels with the heart and believes in doing wat the heart says and the Practical-ist that tries to think from the head and does according to wat is practically thot to be rite and wrong. Well dont immly look at me skeptically when I say 'romantic'. I'm obviously not referring to a love sick person running around trees or a person that cant keep away from the one he loves!!! I mean sumone that gives a lot of importance to emotions and does what he FEELS is right. He'd rather listen to his heart than his head. And the practicalist (That IS actually a word in dictionary.com!!), weighs out 'rationally' what should be done and should not, thinks several times b4 doing sumthing and does it only when he THINKS its fine to do it. I think these 2 sides make a person wat they really are. And as much as a fine balance of the 2 sides is needed in every individual, I personally think it is one of the hardest things in life to maintain that balance. I'm sure you've found urself in a situation with the 2 sides conflicting each other several times...and u ending up feeling wat is called 'confused', not knowing wat is the best thing to do!! Well atleast I've been in that situation, I dont know, like a zillion times mebbe. And everytime there is a conflict between the mind and the heart, I end up feeling like a confused idiot, a helpless person. How I come out of it is sumthing different...(either by talking to ppl or writing my diary or simply by praying for sanity!!) But as if this weren't enuff, sumtimes, the practicalist makes u think about a lot of other ppl (if it is a situation or decision involving other ppl), and u end up having to empathise for the other person/ppl as well. And that starts off a whole news series of problems.. about what u feel should be done, cos of wat YOU THINK is rite for u, and wat is expected outa u by the others. And well, sum ppl are lucky enuff to be able to say..No its jus Me..and wat I think and feel that matters... I dont care about wat the others feel/think...to hell with them. But if ur sumbody who gives a certain level of priority to others opinions (or atleast the ppl that matter), then its a huge conflict again! So in short its just a tuff life!! Ofcourse there are tonnes of solutions to every problem..and its jus about figuring it out. I agree. But it is the decision that makes life harder..and thats when the whole topic of "making choices", "being the better person" and all those kinda things seep in, along with the acceptance that life isnt always fair!
Well I know I started off on a different note, and I'm ending up on a completely variant thot altogether. Seems to make sense in my head...if it does to u as well, jus smile and move on (u cud leave a comment!!)...and if it doesnt, then forget it. its jus another rambling. (U can still leave a comment!!)
Every person I think has 2 different sides in him...the Romantic that feels with the heart and believes in doing wat the heart says and the Practical-ist that tries to think from the head and does according to wat is practically thot to be rite and wrong. Well dont immly look at me skeptically when I say 'romantic'. I'm obviously not referring to a love sick person running around trees or a person that cant keep away from the one he loves!!! I mean sumone that gives a lot of importance to emotions and does what he FEELS is right. He'd rather listen to his heart than his head. And the practicalist (That IS actually a word in dictionary.com!!), weighs out 'rationally' what should be done and should not, thinks several times b4 doing sumthing and does it only when he THINKS its fine to do it. I think these 2 sides make a person wat they really are. And as much as a fine balance of the 2 sides is needed in every individual, I personally think it is one of the hardest things in life to maintain that balance. I'm sure you've found urself in a situation with the 2 sides conflicting each other several times...and u ending up feeling wat is called 'confused', not knowing wat is the best thing to do!! Well atleast I've been in that situation, I dont know, like a zillion times mebbe. And everytime there is a conflict between the mind and the heart, I end up feeling like a confused idiot, a helpless person. How I come out of it is sumthing different...(either by talking to ppl or writing my diary or simply by praying for sanity!!) But as if this weren't enuff, sumtimes, the practicalist makes u think about a lot of other ppl (if it is a situation or decision involving other ppl), and u end up having to empathise for the other person/ppl as well. And that starts off a whole news series of problems.. about what u feel should be done, cos of wat YOU THINK is rite for u, and wat is expected outa u by the others. And well, sum ppl are lucky enuff to be able to say..No its jus Me..and wat I think and feel that matters... I dont care about wat the others feel/think...to hell with them. But if ur sumbody who gives a certain level of priority to others opinions (or atleast the ppl that matter), then its a huge conflict again! So in short its just a tuff life!! Ofcourse there are tonnes of solutions to every problem..and its jus about figuring it out. I agree. But it is the decision that makes life harder..and thats when the whole topic of "making choices", "being the better person" and all those kinda things seep in, along with the acceptance that life isnt always fair!
Well I know I started off on a different note, and I'm ending up on a completely variant thot altogether. Seems to make sense in my head...if it does to u as well, jus smile and move on (u cud leave a comment!!)...and if it doesnt, then forget it. its jus another rambling. (U can still leave a comment!!)
Saturday, May 19, 2007
sarve jana sukhino bhavanthu
Last few weeks I've been thinking about the importance of the concept- "Sarve Jana Sukhino Bhavanthu"... meaning "Let all the people in the world be happy". When I was young I was always taught to say this one line at the end of every prayer...Pray for the happiness of others. But I never really had a chance to realise its significance. However, recently, I've had this situation where a lot of people in my life have been going thru real rough and stressful times, and I've been witnessing or listening to some of their problems. And well, although I'm pretty much having a smooth sail on my own, and although none of those worries affect me directly, I realized that I couldn't be very happy when ALL those close ppl were affected. Its like this...sometimes when u are cheerful, its not just nice, but also important to have another person receive that cheer and happiness from you and reciprocate in a similar manner. But when they are not in that position bcos of undue circumstances or situations, u feel not just empathetic but sumtimes sad too. And beyond a point u just personally want that person to be out of the problem and be all smiley and gay again. U wait for time to be the magic healer and start praying that they may be happy at the earliest...
So its true...sometimes for u to be happy, u DO need others around u to be fine and happy themselves...or atleast free of worries. The philosophy of Sarve Jana Sukhino Bhavanthu... or Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu is indeed important.
So its true...sometimes for u to be happy, u DO need others around u to be fine and happy themselves...or atleast free of worries. The philosophy of Sarve Jana Sukhino Bhavanthu... or Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu is indeed important.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
:)
Am really happy for her!
I've heard her ramblings, her on n offs for several years now, the fights, the happy moments.
And even when she told me about it, the day the decision was made, or how it was made n how she felt, I dint feel quite as delighted as I feel today. Cos at some level I felt, she could do better. And well I hear that several people told her that. But today, when I see her, and hear her happiness, across from where I am, I feel really happy myself....more so bcos she seems so confident and so set upon it. Its amazing... shes been a kid in so many different things.. pampered....But as I see her today, I really want to admire her courage in taking the decision. I guess I couldn't do it if I were in the same position. It takes a whole lot of maturity and acceptance of situations and people. And talk about sticking to the decision and looking onto the future..its simply beautiful to c her do that.... shes looking forward to it with such enthusiasm and cheer, that it just brings a smile to my cheek and lots of warm thoughts in my head.
Lots of prayers that her happiness lasts for a lifetime....and so does mine! :)
I've heard her ramblings, her on n offs for several years now, the fights, the happy moments.
And even when she told me about it, the day the decision was made, or how it was made n how she felt, I dint feel quite as delighted as I feel today. Cos at some level I felt, she could do better. And well I hear that several people told her that. But today, when I see her, and hear her happiness, across from where I am, I feel really happy myself....more so bcos she seems so confident and so set upon it. Its amazing... shes been a kid in so many different things.. pampered....But as I see her today, I really want to admire her courage in taking the decision. I guess I couldn't do it if I were in the same position. It takes a whole lot of maturity and acceptance of situations and people. And talk about sticking to the decision and looking onto the future..its simply beautiful to c her do that.... shes looking forward to it with such enthusiasm and cheer, that it just brings a smile to my cheek and lots of warm thoughts in my head.
Lots of prayers that her happiness lasts for a lifetime....and so does mine! :)
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Nostalgia
As sweet as its always been, all of a sudden it seems to prick me from deep within.
As much as I want to be back there and do all those things I cherished,
I realize its never gonna be the same again.
Really?? Thats impossible..it cant be gone forever.. I want to think..
But there r those deep silences which keep punching down the harshness of the reality in me.
And all of a sudden I realize..Good Lord, itll be such a void..devoid.
The nostalgia ....
And as I relive the times gone by, old and new..
I realize more n more that only time is my magic answer..
no..I dont mean to turn it back...
But I'm just waiting 'patiently impatient' for things and time to come by!
Dont blame me for being optimistic..
Im quite positive sumthings can never get over like that..
they are too many and too amazing to not have them back..
so there again..Im just waiting patiently impatient for things and time to come by!!
PS: 1. Do not try to make sense of this blog..Its for me!
2. Its 12.57 AM here!
3. Ive not attempted to write a poem or anything of the like here..its jus sum of my thots, but kinda masked..or so I like to think!
-Cheers-
As much as I want to be back there and do all those things I cherished,
I realize its never gonna be the same again.
Really?? Thats impossible..it cant be gone forever.. I want to think..
But there r those deep silences which keep punching down the harshness of the reality in me.
And all of a sudden I realize..Good Lord, itll be such a void..devoid.
The nostalgia ....
And as I relive the times gone by, old and new..
I realize more n more that only time is my magic answer..
no..I dont mean to turn it back...
But I'm just waiting 'patiently impatient' for things and time to come by!
Dont blame me for being optimistic..
Im quite positive sumthings can never get over like that..
they are too many and too amazing to not have them back..
so there again..Im just waiting patiently impatient for things and time to come by!!
PS: 1. Do not try to make sense of this blog..Its for me!
2. Its 12.57 AM here!
3. Ive not attempted to write a poem or anything of the like here..its jus sum of my thots, but kinda masked..or so I like to think!
-Cheers-
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Life's beautiful
Phew!! I just took a look at my previous posts..and my blogspot sounds damn too depressing to me! i think its about time i update this spot. Over the last month or so, Ive been wanting to blog about different topics..everytime Id start..but would lose enthu or would become busy...n so would jus let it be. Neways this one is jus a random one to change the mood or tone of my page..jus to remind myself that life is infact very beautiful- thats what ive been telling myself and feeling over the last month!
Lifes indeed beautiful - Acknowledgements..
Jan 20 - 8 am - sleepy thots - how the heck can one survive-walk in the cold?? - 'Surprise' - Raj, Lokesh, Shakthi - "vaaya saravana bhawan la poi saapdalam!!!" - dunkin donuts breakfast feast - lachcha - "bank la check deposit pannanum!!" - "hotel saravana bhawan" - lynden - car dealer - CARSS - "nee yen idha test drive panna koodadhu??" - test drive - hyundai accent 2000 model - "ennakku otta varuma??" - "nimmy slow va po...left turn edu, and ippo right..." - "i dint quite think ill be a part of a driving class too!! " - "ok vll take the car!!" - "Congrats on ur first car!!" - "WHATTTTTT???" - "All credit goes to Raj" - "saw car deals before coming to NJ - oru 60 - 70 cars paathruppen - liked this one - lokesh went from work yesterday and test drove it- was supposed to drive it and come - aana thot u shd see it urself..its ur first car nimmy!" - " learn to love ur car!" - "seriously WHATTTTT??" - bugs,amma,kala - "huhhhhh??? WHATTTTTT??? - sridhar - "huhhh...HUH!!! Sooperr ya!!" - sunday car pooja - bridgewater - nite drive to saravana bhawan - "aahaaa right edhu left edhu nnee therialaiye!!! "
Definitely the intentions are more valuable than the car itself. Thankx a tonne Raj for every thing in every small n big way. Thankyou Lokesh for all the practice driving over the summer and for test driving on the friday b4 THE saturday! :) thanx guyz.
Experience:
Learnt to do my first animal sacrifice in the name of science!! This was supposed to be a separate blog on its own...but as i said..lost enthu! Neways..i was horrified at the thot of having to 'sac' an animal...all thru the summer spent a lott of time pondering over if I could really do it..or could I give religion as an excuse?? after all in Hinduism, every animal...and particularly every lab animal is deified - mice, pigs.!!
I thought I had gotten used to the site of seeing and working with a bloddy carcass in front of me...and so infact was quite ok with the practice sessions..and the practice sac-ing.
But Feb 14, 2007 - valentines day..my third time with the sacing - I felt MISERABLEEE as i was killing those animals..ya i know its called "sacrifice" - oh but come on..death is death indeed watever u name it...i dont think i have cried so much in a whilee now..id sac a mouse and feel disgusteddddd with myself...would call my help line - 973-392-4312 - pour gallonsss - "I feel like a family member of mine is lying there in a blood pool!!" - come back feeling "ok its for science..its for mankind..its for science", would pop in some of those god - sent oreo biscuits, sac another mouse, loath myself for having chosen this field - would pep myself - sac another mouse and thats it..dial the hot line again!!!
God saved me that day!! Wont forget that day when I actually ate 27 oreo cookies...ya well chocolate and my friends do wonders to me in my life!!!
Anyways..no complaints wat-so-ever..getting used to it..haveta sac them...a post doc near me reminds me - " dontt say "im sorry" to those mice..u shd thank them for giving you the data that they r giving u..ur the first one to know about it..so thank them for that!"
neways..be it this logic..or the philosophy of the bhagavad gita which struck me the next day (b4 i had to sac 4 more mice) - "the Arjuna Factor " or " Karmanye Vadhikarasthe Ma Phaleshu Kadhachana, Karma Phala Hethur Bhur Mathe Sangosthava Karmani! - I think i will haveta get used to it..and Im quite positive I will... a post doc assures me .." trust me in 6 months..ull think anesthesia is waste of time..ull go in strait for cervical dislocation"
Thatttt..only time will tell .
(Lets not worry too much about some of the 'jargon' here - its to remind myself of my thots!!)
Another thot thats been in my head - I think its a really neat way to show urself Lifes beautiful!! A few days before valentines day - was reminded of mokshi - and her way of gifting herself for the 3rd year Valentines day. She'd made such a big hype in the wing about it ..like 3 days b4 val day or sumthing...and then 11 pm on val day..the wing saw the worlds uggliest bunny rabbit EVER!!! worth 200 buckss...not to forget she'd paid 10 bucks to gift wrap it ...jus to be opened by herself!! suddenly this episode struck me..and I personally think its one of the very beautiful ways to live...its a reminder to urself that u love urself..ur life, everything thats happening in it..and u want to treat uself cos ur happy about it. Either that...or ur having a not-so-grand period, and u want to tell urself that life aint all that bad afterall, or u want to treat or gift urself for having done sumthing huge....watever may be the reason..i think its a good sign..a healthy sign of living life!! So all of u whos reading this..find a reason to treat/pamper/gift urself..go spend that money and get urself sumthing precious n sumthing uve wanted for a long time!! :) its good n definitely worth it!!
Jus live and feel ur beautiful life!
Lifes indeed beautiful - Acknowledgements..
Jan 20 - 8 am - sleepy thots - how the heck can one survive-walk in the cold?? - 'Surprise' - Raj, Lokesh, Shakthi - "vaaya saravana bhawan la poi saapdalam!!!" - dunkin donuts breakfast feast - lachcha - "bank la check deposit pannanum!!" - "hotel saravana bhawan" - lynden - car dealer - CARSS - "nee yen idha test drive panna koodadhu??" - test drive - hyundai accent 2000 model - "ennakku otta varuma??" - "nimmy slow va po...left turn edu, and ippo right..." - "i dint quite think ill be a part of a driving class too!! " - "ok vll take the car!!" - "Congrats on ur first car!!" - "WHATTTTTT???" - "All credit goes to Raj" - "saw car deals before coming to NJ - oru 60 - 70 cars paathruppen - liked this one - lokesh went from work yesterday and test drove it- was supposed to drive it and come - aana thot u shd see it urself..its ur first car nimmy!" - " learn to love ur car!" - "seriously WHATTTTT??" - bugs,amma,kala - "huhhhhh??? WHATTTTTT??? - sridhar - "huhhh...HUH!!! Sooperr ya!!" - sunday car pooja - bridgewater - nite drive to saravana bhawan - "aahaaa right edhu left edhu nnee therialaiye!!! "
Definitely the intentions are more valuable than the car itself. Thankx a tonne Raj for every thing in every small n big way. Thankyou Lokesh for all the practice driving over the summer and for test driving on the friday b4 THE saturday! :) thanx guyz.
Experience:
Learnt to do my first animal sacrifice in the name of science!! This was supposed to be a separate blog on its own...but as i said..lost enthu! Neways..i was horrified at the thot of having to 'sac' an animal...all thru the summer spent a lott of time pondering over if I could really do it..or could I give religion as an excuse?? after all in Hinduism, every animal...and particularly every lab animal is deified - mice, pigs.!!
I thought I had gotten used to the site of seeing and working with a bloddy carcass in front of me...and so infact was quite ok with the practice sessions..and the practice sac-ing.
But Feb 14, 2007 - valentines day..my third time with the sacing - I felt MISERABLEEE as i was killing those animals..ya i know its called "sacrifice" - oh but come on..death is death indeed watever u name it...i dont think i have cried so much in a whilee now..id sac a mouse and feel disgusteddddd with myself...would call my help line - 973-392-4312 - pour gallonsss - "I feel like a family member of mine is lying there in a blood pool!!" - come back feeling "ok its for science..its for mankind..its for science", would pop in some of those god - sent oreo biscuits, sac another mouse, loath myself for having chosen this field - would pep myself - sac another mouse and thats it..dial the hot line again!!!
God saved me that day!! Wont forget that day when I actually ate 27 oreo cookies...ya well chocolate and my friends do wonders to me in my life!!!
Anyways..no complaints wat-so-ever..getting used to it..haveta sac them...a post doc near me reminds me - " dontt say "im sorry" to those mice..u shd thank them for giving you the data that they r giving u..ur the first one to know about it..so thank them for that!"
neways..be it this logic..or the philosophy of the bhagavad gita which struck me the next day (b4 i had to sac 4 more mice) - "the Arjuna Factor " or " Karmanye Vadhikarasthe Ma Phaleshu Kadhachana, Karma Phala Hethur Bhur Mathe Sangosthava Karmani! - I think i will haveta get used to it..and Im quite positive I will... a post doc assures me .." trust me in 6 months..ull think anesthesia is waste of time..ull go in strait for cervical dislocation"
Thatttt..only time will tell .
(Lets not worry too much about some of the 'jargon' here - its to remind myself of my thots!!)
Another thot thats been in my head - I think its a really neat way to show urself Lifes beautiful!! A few days before valentines day - was reminded of mokshi - and her way of gifting herself for the 3rd year Valentines day. She'd made such a big hype in the wing about it ..like 3 days b4 val day or sumthing...and then 11 pm on val day..the wing saw the worlds uggliest bunny rabbit EVER!!! worth 200 buckss...not to forget she'd paid 10 bucks to gift wrap it ...jus to be opened by herself!! suddenly this episode struck me..and I personally think its one of the very beautiful ways to live...its a reminder to urself that u love urself..ur life, everything thats happening in it..and u want to treat uself cos ur happy about it. Either that...or ur having a not-so-grand period, and u want to tell urself that life aint all that bad afterall, or u want to treat or gift urself for having done sumthing huge....watever may be the reason..i think its a good sign..a healthy sign of living life!! So all of u whos reading this..find a reason to treat/pamper/gift urself..go spend that money and get urself sumthing precious n sumthing uve wanted for a long time!! :) its good n definitely worth it!!
Jus live and feel ur beautiful life!
Monday, January 08, 2007
choices
Last few days..Ive been having this question in my head..Why do we have situations in life where v haveta choose between two or more things v really want?? its really difficult to handle such things...i mean..its jus totally unfair. Whyy is it always "u cant bake the cake and eat it too" in most cases?? and over the last few days..or should i say few months...ive been having to make my choice...2 very difficult options posed ... a test of my priorities in life...and when i had to pick..it obviously was veryy very difficult..not jus for me but for the other ppl involved ..family n friends...and as unhappy as ive been that life is very unfair ...asking me to make choices...this is wat i read first thing in the morning
" In each ones life a moment comes when he has to choose between the Path and the muddle. You cannot put one foot here and one foot there. If you try to, you will be torn to pieces. A heart that does not choose is a heart that will die." - The Words of the Mother, Vol 14.
I guess thats how life is. You have very limited choices..sumtimes u get to make them urself...sumtimes they are made for u. Either ways u accept it as it is.
Thankyou Mother for those words of wisdom... an answer to some thots in my head. :) Pray that the others involved in the choices find peace. Love you always.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)