Long pending thots....

Wow...its been ages since i actually visited this page! I've been wanting to come here and dust the cobwebs..but just havent found the time to do it!! I've infact been making a mental note every other week to resume this hobby which has actually over time, turned into a tool kit for me to tap my inner self and bring out clarity in my thots!! But like I said..the lack of time. Blogging (both generic and cryptic ones) helps me kinda unwind and think things thru. Its actually a nice way to spend time with your own self (jus like any other hobby). Over the past year, I've had my own reasons to write those posts meant and directed to me...pretty much not comprehendable to most others. And well, although that 'motivation factor' is now missing, for which I'm extremelllly happy and glad about, I've really actually missed penning sumthing down here and getting comments about it. Its not just the same as journaling or writing a diary, where its just you and your Dearest. Here, the people u know and the others read wat u write and so its a little insight into your thot process and to ur confusions... and it really is nice to get comments about sum of them! So this post is gonna be a veryyyy random one..jus to note down sum of those things I've been feeling and thinking for a while and Ive been wanting to write about.

Frozen in Time:
I've actually been getting this 'Frozen in time' feeling for a while now. I feel like time is running WAYYYYY too fast in front of me..and I feel I'm just not keeping pace with it. I feel like I'm on another plane just standing and gaping in awe at its speed, while caught up in sumthing or the other that kinda slows me down. Its the feeling of being left behind..and that is not with respect to another person or individual ...but with a concept like time. I just cannot imagine that in 6 months I'm gonna be 25. And wow.. ppl do a LOT when they are 25. 25 is officially the age of adulthood (atleast here in the USA)..even when u're 24, you are considered a young adult!
But this feeling of being frozen in time strikes me EVERY single day in the lab. I go in at 9:30 and even before I realize its lunch and then 3:30-tea time. By the time I actually keep track of what i did the whole day, its already 5 or 6 in the evening..and I realize I gotto leave in another 3-4 hours and thats when work starts in full zeal. And even before I can actually say "quidditch" or "Gryffindor", the day has actually ended and I catch on the fact that 12 hours (sumtimes even 16 hrs) of the day has gone by without anything significant being done. I think lab work and PhD life can make you feel that way. And at other times when I talk to sum of my friends and batchmates from college, espply when they are just about to get married or already are, I feel wierdly frozen in time. No complaints AT ALL that I'm not in their place..but just a thot that.. WOWWW.. are we really that old to actually be getting married and entering another phase of life. I guess a lottt of htat goes to the fact that I still am a student. Its gonna take me a while to get there, I know, and until then I'm sure I'm just gonna stand dumbstruck and watch things changing/moving around me in a pace that I feel is way too hard for me to stick to. Like i said.. I'm not complaining about it..its just a mental note that time IS flying past...and REALLY fast!

There've been a few other things I've been wanting to jot down... just a few things here n there.... like say - travelling and how much I enjoy it. For me espply since my sis n family stay in CA, I end up taking the 6 hour flites atleast every 2-2.5 months. And the last time I was in the airport waiting for my flite, I realized that those 6 hours (especially the onward journey) is sumthing I really enjoy actually. When you are up there in the flight, its like you have 6 hours just for yourself & you can spend it in ANY way u want....No feeling guilty about not working, no pressing fone calls, no contact with anyone around but your own self. And I realized I really love that time I get to spend with myself ( cos I usually travel alone). I could either sleep, or just things thru, or realize how beautiful life is, or reminesce about all those past memories and cherish them or crib about them or just simply read a book or watch an inflight movie. But its wonderful..and that made me realize how long its actually been since I took time to do wat I wanted to do. Theres always work to do, theres always ppl to call and talk to..but being with ur own self and spending time with ur own self is a beautiful thing on its own and I crave for it just as much as I crave spending quality time with my friends and the people that matter! I think these trips help me chill out and relax and jus unwind.

Another warm thot in my head has been about my mom. Here, I don't mean to sound like an Archies/Hallmark Mother's Day greeting card or an over-dramatized 1970 Bollywood movie dialogue writer..."Mere paas Maa hai" (Deewar- Shashi Kapoor in answer to Amitabh's question - "Mere paas gaadi hai, bungalaw hai, paisa hai. Tumhare paas kya hai??" ). But just that over the past few days/weeks/months I've realized that if there is one woman who I'd like to be like, that'd be my mom. I think shes a really beautiful human being with a lottt of qualities that I'd like myself to imbibe. I think every child always idealizes his/her mom n dad as their real life heroes to some extent, and in my case its a LOTT more. Shes been one helluva strong lady. When I see people my age getting stressed out in life and the way htey deal with problems, I'm just very naturally inclined to compare them to my mother, I dont know why. And every time I realize that by the time she was 33, she was a single mother of 2, its not just scary to me, but just as admirable and respectable. I've never really wondered as a girl or as an adoloscent how she did all that. To me it seemed more like the grace and will of The Mother. But now, when I see the mental strength I have at the age of 25 (or sum of my peers have), I just can't help but admire her for her inner peace and strength. Thank God for that! And now when I see her, at peace with everything around her, all ready to do anything that we might need, its just amazing. I'm glad I share a beautiful relationship with her. Amma madila padhuthu thoongi padam paakara maadri, or amma ooti vidara maadri life la sogam varave varadhu!! :)

I'm glad I've finally taken the time off to write all this. Need to get back to reality with exams and papers n blahness!! But hopefully Ill stay in better touch with me and gimme the time I really need.