.. Free from everything.. :)

When I saw him the last time I went to his place, I couldn't ask for anything. His magnificence..the feeling of a peaceful yet authoritative control over everything earthly and otherwise just made me shut up. All I could do was be meek and then in awe..and remember all the good times we've shared. I just couldn't get myself to ask for this and that.. or to demand reasons for anything. All I could do was be at ease..just gape, drop everything and turn back in full contentment. Not a worry or care in the world.

I love the fact that I've had these hallowed niches in most places I go to (his willing). In Chennai, there's more than one to name. And I can never leave the city without meeting these best friends of mine. They've been there with me through my thick and thin, while in fact putting me through the thick and thin. In Pilani, it was a school in Chirawa. And now its here in Pomona. Over the past 2 years, I have become soo attached.. I'm almost possessive of the place.I cant think of being in town and not visiting. I love the relationships I've shared with all of them and I absolutely yearn for more.

I was just listening to "Zindagi.. Kya kami rah gayi" and was reminded of the feeling that I got last saturday. A feeling of pure contentment that EVERYTHING in the world is Perfect. That I'm not short of anything in life. Enda kurayume illa. A feeling of pure joy and bliss.

The Forbidden Question

While you are a PhD student, you hate to be asked "So when are you done?" That is THE most forbidden question. It's obviously hard enough to not know what you are doing, and to work in what seems an aimless manner towards a really distant goal.. and with that when someone comes and asks you THE question, you either feel like killing them or yourself!
For me, thankfully that is not the forbidden question now. It's changed to "What's next?" I'm in the process of figuring out what to do with the 5 years of work and degree.. and I keep realizing that I'm either too over qualified, or unfortunately under qualified!! Mebbe its just Murphy's law at its very best! Nobody ever wants a PhD! It's either BS/MS or PhD + 2-3 or sometimes even 5-9 years of post-doc experience! Holyyyy crap!
A recent confrontation with Mommy Dearest reminded me of how much its gonna take for me (and for her...) to continue down this path of science and research. I guess the challenges never end and its only getting tougher and tougher. In a whisk, the 5 year stint seems to be coming to an end.. and while I'm supposed to be happy and thrilled, the forbidden question is acting like the pin which bursts the bubble even before u let yourself be in a bubble of happiness!! Its keeping my reality under check. A devil's advocate of sorts. I know its only a matter of time.. a few months mebbe, before I find a new haven for myself and figure the answer to the forbidden question. Until then, I guess the best way for me to deal with it is to simply surrender and wait for Her to show me what to do with my life. She has guided me so far.. She will take care of this too! I have the faith. That is my answer for now.

Miles to go..

Its my first time as a first author. My adenovirus. My mouse. My paper. Just got my first ever reviewer's comments.

"ACCEPT
This is an outstanding manuscript from a leading figure in the field of molecular cardiology. (words of praise for my Guru!).. The manuscript is carefully written and the conclusions reached by the authors are supported by high quality extremely convincing data. We have no suggestions for improvement."

Will post the link to the paper soon after it gets published!

Thankyou Dear God for giving me a Guru like no other.. and for everything else!