INSANITY speaks..

I feel like a character in a book. And I wish I could be the author.
Recent turn of events has made me wonder about a lott of things in life. My work.. going against my principles in life (animal treatment and sacrifice). The expensive negligence.. big mistake.. big bucks... all of it. And so all of a sudden I've been wondering how my life will be if I just haveta say gud bye...
I'm obviously in a trance. I'm probably letting the reins loose and I have wild horses in my head ..but WHAT IF?
And for sum reason.. i seem more relieved than scared?? Is that all bcos of my kriya?? I mean.. I shd be calm.. but this calm?? It surprises me.. and well the fact that the "What If" situation is actually bringing a smile to my face is actually quite shocking. Obviously I'm not thinking of it entirely.. and I probably shouldnt either. But neways now that I've started.. I mite as well....
options wud be to go back home. Satisfy my mom! She'd be HAPPY!! :) or just look for sumthing here. Neways.. whether I'm in or out.. I think I haveta redefine my passion.
I need to do sumthing which will make me happier. But will i ever get a chance to do that?I'm sure I'll just get sucked in once I finish.. I mean.. its a quagmire.. its never gonna end.. unless u opt to make a choice and say ur done trying to do the thing u absolutely loathe.
neways.. lets wait and c. ..
and now when i write this.. the reality is sinking in.. all of these choices are not gonna be applicable. im just gonna havetaaa do those things that I absolutely havetaaa.. theres no choice. too bad we arent born losers!! too bad we dont have the guts to say.."NO WAY..I aint doing this.. Ill just quit if u force me to". and well.. my sis was rite.. its a sucker.. this thing. its not gonna let me go sooo easily. I mite as well do the one thing that i shouldddd be doing rite now..instead of letting my imagination run wild like this.
Neways it was worth a thot.. I atleast know that its not the end of the world.. It never is actually.

But ya.. lets c....