The unsung prayer..

I'm just out with all that I held deep inside,
All the fearsome, scary thoughts
Of how I ended up being who I am.
It truly was a nightmare relived..and continues to be..
As I face the brunt of it,
Not knowing where this will take me.
To where I was before..to the void.
Or to a new beginning, a fresh start. A new leaf.
But beyond all that,
I sit contemplating deep within..
How could I? Why did I?
I question the Gods
That I imagine shield me from all,
Where were You then? How could You?
But then I realise,
Its none but my fault.
And as I think thus,
My mind races far away
To the sanctity of her warmth.
I feel everything else is fleeting but her.
I think nothing is worth but her.
And in that smile, I realize
She's there to put things to rest.
For shes the only one that knows it all..
The love, the hatred, the emotions.
Shes the one I should lean on
With times so crazy!
But as I do that..
Again the reproach from deep within..
How?? Why?? What was I thinking?
I realize sadly that the reproach is not just from within,
But from the world that belongs to me.
And as I wail within in disgust..
I realize.. a mortal I've been,
With flaws so many and so huge,
To undo it all, I need another life.
And again as the cycle of remorse continues,
I seek onto her.
I wish all were as calm as she.
I wish the world was none but she.
Repentance and remorse, only she knows it all.
To explain to another all this..
Quite impossible.
I just hope
With all the rights to hope,
That her will prevails..
That her will be done.
Good or bad.. let her decide.
Peace and calm and hope and happiness
May reign forever in my life.
And I get the strength to accept it all.
I love her.